And now for some Humor

[alex5389]

This belongs here more than it does on reddit :/

[Father Fuzzy]

The Sheer Nightgown........

A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price ----- the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.



Upstairs the wife ( being no dummy ) thinks, 'I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.'





She appears naked on the balcony and strikes her most seductive pose.

The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!'

He never heard the shot.

Funeral on Thursday at 1 p.m.

[Father Fuzzy]

A beautiful woman went to the gynecologist...
The doctor took one look at the woman and all his professionalism flew out the window.
He immediately told her to get undressed.
After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While doing so he asked her, “Do you know what I am doing?”
“Yes,” she replied, “You are checking for abrasions or Dermatological abnormalities.”
“That” s right,” said the doctor.. He then began to fondle her breasts. “Do you know what I am doing now?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said, “You are checking for lumps which might indicate breast cancer.”
“Correct,” replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, “Do you know what I am doing now?”
“Yes,” she said, “You’re getting syphilis; which is why I came here in the first place.”

[Father Fuzzy]

WHAT PART OF YOUR BODY GOES TO HEAVEN FIRST?


The nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, 'When you die and go to Heaven, which part of your body goes first?


Suzy raised her hand and said, 'I think it's your hands.'


'Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?'


Suzy replied: 'Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in
front of you and God just takes your hands first.'


'What a wonderful answer!', the nun said.


Little Johnny raised his hand and said, 'Sister, I think it's your feet.'


The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face.

'Now, Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?'


Johnny said: 'Well, I walked past Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night. Mom had her legs up in the air and she was saying, 'Oh God! I'm coming!'


If Dad hadn't pinned her down, I reckon we'd have lost her."


The nun had to leave the room.

[Hooded]

woot woot
Ya gotta love Johnny

[gdesmo]

Oh, you're baaad ! But a good bad !

[DazMode]

Some Russian English from Sochi:

[Father Fuzzy]

mmmmmmm ass cakes

[bungwirez]

LOLz. Engrish

[gdesmo]

Mmmm. Liver cakes, did they use part of mine ? Ass cakes > ha ha !

[alex5389]

Some Russian English from Sochi:
[ATTACH=CONFIG]2248[/ATTACH]

Haha the right one reads tongue in dough

[Father Fuzzy]

Driver's License

A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play
date.


'Mommy,'the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'


'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied.
'It's not polite.'


'OK', the little girl says,
'How much do you weigh?'


'Now really,' the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are
really none of your business.'


Undaunted, the little girl asks,'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'


'That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!'


The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.


'My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her
friend.


'Well,' says the friend,
'all you need to do is look at her driver's license.
It's like a report card, it has everything on it.'


Later that night the little girl says to her mother,
'I know how old you are. You are 32.'


The mother is surprised and asks,
'How did you find that out?


'I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.'


The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
'How in Heaven's name did you find that out?'


'And,' the little girl says triumphantly,
'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'


'Oh really?' the mother asks.'Why?'


'Because you got an F in sex.

[gdesmo]

Bahahaha ! Sounds exactly like my X, but not as smart !

[bungwirez]

Take that Ben Affleck... and stay away from my cat too

[Father Fuzzy]

lol you go girl.....I mean it...GO




Seduction

With a very seductive voice a wife asked her husband
"Have You ever Seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?"

"No" said her Husband.

She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top three
Buttons of her blouse and slowly reached down in her cleavage
created by a soft, silky pushup bra and pulled out a
crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.

He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and
Smiled approvingly.
She then asked "Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all
Crumpled up?"

"No I haven't" he said with an anxious tone in His Voice.

She gave him another sexy little smile pulled up her skirt,

Seductively reached into her tight sheer panties and pulled out a
Crumpled Fifty Dollar bill.

He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill and
Started breathing a Little quicker with anticipation.

"Now" she said "Have you ever seen 50,000 Dollars all crumpled up?"

"No way" he said Becoming even more aroused and excited to which she replied:

"Go look in The garage."